连载(十一)Don't make me smile

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连载(十一)Don't make me smile

王悦 2012-11-09 天之聪教育 1457次

喜欢Barbara Park的作品，不仅因为她作为成年人，能够以孩童的视角洞察被大人忽略的情感，还因为作品中充满童趣。当然，英文表达比较简单，也是重要原因之一。下面这段摘自她的“Don't make me smile"一书，是讲述一个十一的岁男孩父母离婚以后，心里成长过程。试着将其翻译过来，权当练手，希望没把韩老师教的忘光，也欢迎各位同学指正。

SO FAR, I’ve talked to Dr. Girard four times. Each time he’s made me feel a little better about things.
到现在为止，我已经和吉拉德医生谈过四次心。他每一次谈话，都会让感觉好一点。

Don’t get me wrong, though. I still don’t think I’m ever going to totally get over this. And I still think divorce is a rotten thing for parents to do.
不过你可别以为我已经缓过来了，爸妈离婚带来的伤害都过去了。没那回事，我始终认为，离婚是父母做过的最逊的事。

It’s really hard for me to get used to living just with my mother. It must be weird for her, too. Almost every night, when she sets the table, she accidentally puts out three plates.
到现在我还不习惯家里只有老妈，而老爸再不回来了。我妈也一样，几乎每天晚上摆餐桌的时候，她都习惯性地摆三只盘子。

Once in a while, Mom calls me “the man of the house.” I don’t know if she’s trying to make me feel grown-up or what. But I don’t really like it. Just because they decided to get divorced doesn’t suddenly turn me into a man. I don’t even shave yet. The next thing you know, she’ll expect me to go to work or something.
有时老妈给我叫“户主”。不知道她是特想让我觉得自己已经长大了还是怎么的，但是我可真不喜欢她这么叫。因为他们突然就离婚了，这事可没有一下子就让我成熟了，我还是没长胡子的小屁孩呢。看来下一步，她就盼着我去上班赚钱还是怎么的。

Of course, maybe going to work wouldn’t be so bad. It’s got to be better than school. Because to tell you the truth, school hasn’t been going that well for me lately. I used to be pretty good in school, but ever since the divorce, I’ve had a hard time keeping my mind on stuff. Somehow, learning how brine shrimp lay eggs just doesn’t seem important anymore.
当然，也许离开学校去上班也是个不错的事，起码比上学强。因为，说实话吧，最近我在学校里日子可不怎么好过。以前我学习成绩超好，可自打他们离婚后，我上课总走神，学习成绩也一路下跌。不知怎么搞的，连我最喜欢的生物课都没那么有意思了。

Right after my teacher found out that things were bad for me at home, she got real nice. She didn’t make me do any work at all, hardly. But teachers don’t stay patient like that forever. Teachers definitely have a limit on their niceness.
自打老师知道我家里的事后，就对我特别好，很少让我值日劳动什么的。不过老师们的爱心也是有限度的，不要挑战她们的忍耐极限。

Last Friday after school, Mrs. Fensel handed me a note to take home to my mother. She told me to be sure that Mom saw it.
上周五放学后，Fensel老师递给我一张装在信封里的便条，让我带回家给我妈。她还嘱咐一定要让我妈看。

“I’m going to trust you not to read it first, Charles,” she said.
“查理，我相信你不会偷看这个纸条”她说。

What a lie. If she really “trusted me not to read it,” why did she have it all sealed up with tape? Does that sound like trust to you?
真能撒谎。如果她真的“相信我不会偷看”，为什么信封口要用透明胶封上？有这么相信人的吗？

Having to take a note home to your mother is one of the worst things a kid ever has to do. It’s asking a criminal to cut off his own head, sort of. It’s just not fair.
老师让孩子带便条给家长，是最不人道的事。这有点像让罪犯自己砍自己的头，太不公平了。

All the way home I held the note real loosely in my hand. I kept waiting for a big strong gust of wind to come along and blow it away. But as usual, there’s never a good wind when you need one.
回家时，一路上我都把纸条松松的拿在手里。一直盼望着来阵强风把它吹走。可是，天不遂人意呀，在你需要的时候，那风是绝对不会来的。

The same thing used to happen when I was a little kid and I wanted to fly my kite. I would spend about an hour untangling my ball of string, and by the time I got it all ready, the wind had totally stopped. Usually, I ended up dragging it up and down the street a couple of times and putting it away.
这让我想起小时候，有一次，我想放风筝。我花了快一小时才把线球绕开，好不容易都准备好，结果风没了，一丝都没有。最后，我只好拖着风筝走了几条街回去，然后把它收起来封存了。

The only time it’s ever windy is when you don’t want it to be. Like when you finish swimming, for instance. I don’t know where the wind comes from, but as soon as you get out of the water, a big gust comes and freezes your tail off.
要我说，这风只有你怕它来的时候才来。比如说，当你游完泳，从水里出来，就不知打哪来吹来一阵冷风，都能把你的大牙冻掉。

Anyhow, on the day Mrs. Fensel gave me the note, the wind was nowhere to be found. I tried blowing it away myself by sneezing on it really hard. But that didn’t work, either. I think all the tape was weighing it down.
不管咋说，Fensel老师让我带便条回家那天，就一丝风都没有。我使劲对着便条打喷嚏，希望能把它吹走，结果还是不管用。我估计透明胶有点份量，把便条压住了吹不动。

When I finally got home, I decided to take the note to my room first before giving it to my mother. I thought that maybe I could hold it up to the light and read a few words. But when I looked through the envelope, all I could see was that the note was folded into a tiny little wad. Good old Mrs. Fensel. She knew every trick in the book.
到家以后，我决定先不把便条交给老妈，而是拿进自己房间。我想也许将便条冲着灯光，能看到上面的只言片语。但当我把信封对着灯光看时，只能看到里面的便条叠成一小堆，什么都看不见。Fensel老师好厉害呀，这些偷看的小把戏全瞒不了她。

The stupid thing was, I really didn’t need to read the note at all. I knew exactly what it I was going to say. And trust me, Mom wasn’t going to be too thrilled about it.
她这么做真多此一举，我不用看纸条就知道里面写了什么。而且我敢说，老妈要是看到这纸条，肯定超级郁闷无比。

My grades hadn’t been very good lately. In fact, the highest mark I had gotten that week was a D+ in spelling. I would have gotten a C-, but I forgot to capitalize Russia.
我最近学习成绩可是不怎么地。说实话，上个星期我最好的成绩是拼写那科得的D+.本来应该得C-,但是我忘了把“Russia”的首字母大写了。

Personally, I think it’s really stupid to count a word wrong just because you didn’t use a capital. It’s not that you’re using the wrong letter, it’s just that you’ve used it in an alternative size.
我就觉得，听写单词的时候，单单因为没有大写某个字母就算错，这有点太不变通了。又不是把单词拼错了，只是用了另一个字号而已嘛。

As I stood there with that note, I thought about how much trouble I was going to be in. For the first time in five weeks, I began to think about running away from home again. When it comes to getting good grades, my mother is really tough.
我站在房间里，手中拿着便条，心想这回麻烦可大了。只要牵扯到学习成绩，老妈是一点都不留情面。想到这里，一个多月以来，我再一次动了离家出走这个念头。

I knew exactly what she would do. She would read the note and then call me into the living room for a little “talk”. And if there’s one thing that I hate, it’s one of my mother’s little “talks” about schoolwork.
我非常清楚老妈会怎么做。她读完便条，就会把我叫进客厅“谈话”。关于学习的这种“谈话”，让我深受其苦啊。

First, she starts out by telling me how she isn’t going to yell or scold me. Then she yells and scolds me. After that, she starts taking away all of the fun things that I like to do and tries to make it seem like it’s for my “own good.” That way, she doesn’t feel so mean.
“谈话”往往是这样的。开始，老妈总是对我说，她既不会吼也不会罚我。然后，她就开始又吼又罚。再然后，她就把我喜欢的好玩意儿都没收，喜欢做的事都封杀，还美其名曰是“为我好”。这样，她就会觉得心安理得了。

The more I thought about it, the dumber it seemed to actually knew what she was going to say, what was the point of bothering her with it? Instead, I could give myself my own little “talk” and save her the trouble.
我越想就越清楚她要唠唠叨叨地教训我什么。那样的话何不让她耳朵根子清静清静呢？何不如我给自己上堂课“谈谈”，省得麻烦她老人家呢？

“Okay,” I said to myself. “I promise that I’ll watch less TV and study harder.”
“好”我会对自己说。“我保证少看电视，多用功学习。”

There. Now my poor mother wouldn’t have to feel so mean about yelling at me. What a thoughtful son I was to spare her that.
看吧。这样，我可怜的老妈就不必为吼我感到愧疚了。能为她想得这么周到，我这个做儿子的是多么体贴呀。

Besides, Mrs. Fensel hadn’t specifically told me to give my mother the note. All she had said to do was to be sure Mom saw it. So, if my mother saw the envelope, I wouldn’t be doing anything wrong.
另外，Fensel老师也没有特别交待把便条给我妈。她只是说一定要让我妈看到。所以，只要老妈看到这个信封，就算我按老师说的做了。

Mom was in the kitchen. I grabbed the note and went in to say hello.
老妈正在厨房。我抓着装便条的信封走进去，和她打个招呼。

We talked for a while about the usual stuff. Then finally, I headed for my room again. Right before I left the kitchen, I dropped the note on the floor.
我们闲聊了几句，然后我准备回房。就在马上离开厨房之前，我让信封滑落到地上。

I picked it right up and kept on going.
我立马捡起信封，继续往外走。

“What was that?” asked my mother.
“那是什么？”老妈问。

“Nothing,” I called from the hall. “It’s just a note that someone wrote at school. No big deal.”
“没什么。”我在厅里回答。“学校里同学写的纸条，随便写着玩的。”

When I got back to my room, I felt much better. Now I wouldn’t be lying when I told Mrs. Fensel that my mother saw the note. There’s no doubt about it….I am definitely a clever kid.
我回到房间时，感觉轻松多了。如果Fensel老师问，我就说妈妈已经看见了。这不算撒谎吧？当然不算，千真万确看着了。。。。我真是绝顶聪明呀。

N ow that the matter was settled, there really wasn’t any reason why I couldn’t open the note and read it. No one would ever know. And I was really dying to see what Mrs. Fensel had written about me.
现在这个问题解决了，我就可以光明正大的打开便条看看了，没有人会知道的。况且我超想知道Fensel老师写了些什么。

I tried to tear open the envelope with my hands but the tape was too thick. “Is this what you call trust, Mrs. Fensel?” I growled
我试着用手把信封撕开，但是透明胶太厚了。“你把这就叫做相信我吗，Fensel老师？”我一边弄，一边愤愤不平地抱怨。

Finally, I managed to slit open the bottom of the envelope with my pen. I pulled the note out and began reading.
最后，我用钢笔从信封底部划开，然后拿出便条，读了起来。

Dear Mrs. Hickle,
亲爱的Hickle太太，

This note is to let you know that your son, Charles, has been doing very poorly with his schoolwork. In the past week, he has had no grade higher than a D+.
写这张便条是想让您知道，您的儿子查理，最近学习成绩非常差。上一周，他的最好成绩是一个D+。

Mrs. Hickle, I do understand that Charles has been having some problems at home, and I have tried to understanding. But he’s still not paying attention in class, so I feel it’s time I let you know what is happening.
Hickle太太，我非常理解您家里的变故，和查理所经历的问题。事实上，我对他已经非常宽容，但他的心思还不能放到课堂上来。因此，我觉得应该把他的表现告诉您，让您知道。

In addition to his grades, his behavior has also taken a turn for the worse. Charles used to be a very well behaved boy. Lately, however, he has started to become rather rude, both to me and to others in the classroom.
除了学习成绩，他的举止行为也每况愈下。查理以前很有教养，非常礼貌。但是，最近他变得粗鲁无礼，不光对我，对班里其它孩子也是如此。

I would appreciate any effort that you and his father would make to see that Charles changes both his behavior and his grades. If all of us work together, I’m sure we can get him back on the right track.
如果我们一起努力，相信查理很快会走回正轨。您和他父亲所做的努力将让他在成绩和举止方面都会有改善，对此，我先表示感谢。

Sincerely,
您真诚的朋友

Edna Fensel
埃德娜Fensel

Rude? I couldn’t believe it! She actually told my mother that I was rude.
粗鲁无礼？真难以置信！她真的告诉我妈，说我无礼。

What’s so rude about telling a teacher that you think spelling stinks? Especially when it’s the truth. And especially when Mrs. Fensel started the whole conversation herself.
告诉老师说你认为拼写课没劲，这怎么能叫无礼呢？尤其是，你说的是事实。尤其是，还是Fensel老师起头开始的。

After I got my last spelling test back, she came over to my desk and asked me what was wrong with my spelling lately.
上次听写课卷子发下来后，老师走到我桌边，问我最近拼写课怎么回事，有什么问题吗。

“Nothing is wrong with my spelling,” I said. “The reason I got a D is because you marked ‘russia’ wrong. I spelled ‘russia’ right.”
“没什么问题”我说。“我之所以得了D，是因为 ‘russia’你算我拼错了，其实我拼对了。”

She looked at my paper.
她看看我的卷子。

“Russia has a capital,” she said.
“Russia要大写”她说。

“I know,” I said. “The capital of Russia is Moscow.”
“我知道”我说。“Russia的首都是莫斯科”
（注：Russia（俄国）作为英文单词拼写时首字母应大写。Capital既表示大写，又有首都的意思。在这里，老师的意思是Russia首字母应大写，而Charlie故意取了capital的另一个意思，即首都。所以他自以为开了个玩笑。）

Mrs. Fensel didn’t laugh at my joke. She pretended she didn’t even hear it, in fact.
Fensel老师并没被我的笑话所动。实际上，她愣是假装没听见。

“If you don’t spell Russia with a capital, it’s wrong,” she said.
“如果你拼写Russia的时候首字母不大写，那就算错。”她说。

That’s when I said, “Spelling stinks.”
这时候我才说：“拼写课真没劲。”

“Pardon me?” said Mrs. Fensel.
“你说什么？”Fensel老师说。

“Stinks. S-T-I-N-K-S,” I spelled.
“没劲。M ei, j in” 我一个字一个字地拼。

Mrs. Fensel gave me an angry look. At first, I didn’t think she was going to do anything more. But instead of yelling at me, she wrote that note to my mother. What a squealer. A guy makes a couple of amusing comments, and boom….he gets a note sent home.
Fensel老师生气地看我一眼。既没冲我喊，也没训我，我以为这就算完了，谁知道她写了这么张条子告状。我只是对某些科目稍加评论，结果竟然惹祸上身。哎。

Anyway, after I read the note, I was very glad I hadn’t shown it to my mother. At least I was glad until about 8:30 that night. At 8:30, I stopped being glad about a lot of things. That’s when Mrs. Fensel called.
不管咋说，读完纸条后，我非常庆幸没有给老妈看。至少那天晚上8:30以前，我都很高兴。而8:30我的好日子就到头了。因为 Fensel老师打来了电话。

I was in the shower when the phone rang. But after I got out, I could hear my mother talking. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who she was talking to. She kept saying stuff like “Yes, Mrs. Fensel, I know he’s having a hard time.” And “No, Mrs. Fensel, I don’t know why he didn’t show it to me.”
电话响的时候，我正在洗澡。但是当我洗完出去，听见老妈还在讲电话。傻子都听得出来，她在跟谁通话。她不断地说类似“是的，Fensel老师，我知道他不好过”和“不，Fensel老师，我不知道他为什么没给我。”

I was doomed.
惨了，惨了。

Wait.
等下。

Or was I ?
或许，我可以这样。。。。

An idea popped into my head that just might work.
我的脑袋里闪出一道灵光，兴许这个法子可以一试。

I threw on my pajamas and ran into my room to get the note. I decided not to put it back in its torn-up envelope. I thought it might look suspicious. So I just folded it up and ran to my mother. She had just hung up the phone.
我匆忙套上睡衣，跑进房间去拿便条。我觉得老妈看见信封破烂了会起疑心，就决定不把纸条装进去。只将纸条叠好，抓着去找老妈。她刚刚挂断电话。

“Oh, wow, Mom,” I said. “I almost forgot to give you this note. I just thought about it while I was in the shower. It’s from Mrs. Fensel.”
“噢，妈妈”我说。“我洗澡的时候才想起来，差点忘了Fensel老师要我把这张便条给你。”

My mother grabbed the note out of my hand and read it. She had this look on her face like she was about to explode.
老妈从我手里抢过纸条，读了起来。她脸上的表情显示超级生气。

After she finished reading, her expression changed. She got a funny grin. It wasn’t what you’d call a happy grin, though. It was more like the kind of grin that insane people have on Tv shows.
读完纸条后，她又裂嘴笑了。但是可不是开心的那种笑，而更像是电视上演的神经病人的那种。

She began walking toward me very slowly. It really made me nervous. I started backing up. I backed all the way into the wall. She had me cornered.
她慢慢地向我走来，搞得我特紧张，我开始向后退，一直退到墙角，她步步紧逼。

My mother leaned real close to me. Then she put her hands on my shoulders and began talking very softly.
她将脸凑近我，双手抓住我的肩膀，开始低声说。

“Charles,” she said, “I’m going to give you three weeks. That’s three,” she repeated, as she held up her fingers. “One…two…three. And if at the end of three weeks, your grades aren’t back up to where they are supposed to be, you are going to be one very unhappy boy.”
“查理”她说。“我给你三个星期。三个”她举起手指，重复了一遍。“一、二、三。如果三个星期后，你的成绩还不能恢复以前的水平，你可就要遭殃了。”

I looked at her face. Then insane grin was still there.
我看了看她的脸，还是神经兮兮的。

I gulped. “What do you mean? What will happen to me?” I asked.
我咽了咽唾沫，问：“什么意思？您要对我怎么着？”

“Oh….let’s see. Do you want a little hint?” Mom said. “I’ll give you lots of little hints.”
“噢。。。让我想想，你要听听吗？”她说。“我可以提示你一下。”

She started right in.
她开始说：

“Little hint number one, no TV. Little hint number two, no sports. Little hint number three, no having friends over. Little hint number four, no telephone. Little hint number five, no CD player. Little hint number six, no computer games. Little hint number seven, no allowance. Are you getting the picture yet, Charlie?” she asked.
“第一，不许看电视。第二，不许出去运动。第三，不许带朋友回来。第四，不许打电话。第五，不许听唱片。第六，不许玩游戏。第七，不给零花钱。查理，你听明白了吗？”她问。

“Yes,” I said. “At least, mostly I am. It’s just that I don’t exactly understand little hint number seven. I mean, I get the ones about no TV and stuff, because I’ll have to study more. But what does my allowance have to do with my schoolwork?”
“明白。”我说。“至少大部分都明白了。但我不理解第七条。你看，我知道不让看电视什么的，是让我用更多时间学习。但是零花钱跟我的学习成绩有什么关系呀？”

I wasn’t trying to make her angrier, I swear. I just really wanted to know about the allowance thing.
我发誓，我可不想惹她更生气，而是真的想知道零花钱的事。

Mom cleared it up. “Oh, you won’t need any money, Charlie,’ she explained. “Because you won’t be setting foot out of this house for a very…long….time. Get it?”
老妈进一步澄清这个问题。“噢，查理，你根本用不着零花钱了。”她解释道。“因为在好长好长一段时间里，你都不许出家门。听明白了吗？”

“Got it,” I said. “Can I go now?”
“明白。”我说。“现在我可以走了吗？”

“Just one more teensy little thing,” said my mother. “If I ever again hear that you’ve been rude to your teacher, I will personally take you by the hand and lead you to your classroom, where you will apologize to Mrs. Fensel in front everyone. Do you get that, too?”
“还有一点小事”老妈说。“如果我再听说你对老师粗鲁无礼，我会亲自把你拉到教室，当着全体同学的面，给Fensel老师道歉。这也听明白了吗？”

I nodded. This was definitely something that my mother would do. Like I mentioned before, she’s very big on apologizing.
我点点头。老妈绝对做得出这样的事。我以前就说过，她在强迫我给人道歉方面强大无比。

When I was little, I accidentally called this old lady down the street a dirtbag. I didn’t even know what a dirtbag was, really. But I was trying to make some kids laugh. So when we rode by her on my bike, I hollered, “Hi there, dirtbag.”
我小的时候，有一次随口给街那头的一个老太太叫邋遢鬼。其实我都不懂邋遢鬼是什么意思，只是想逗别的孩子笑而已。所以当我们骑车经过那老太太身边的时候，我大声喊：“嗨，你这个邋遢鬼。”

The lady found out who I was and called my mother. The next day, Mom took me down street and made me tell the dirtbag I was sorry for calling her names.
那老太太打听到了我是谁家孩子，然后就给我妈打电话。第二天，老妈带着我到她家，逼着我给邋遢鬼认错，说我不该那么叫她。

The point is, I could just see my mother leading me into my classroom and making me apologize for being a smart aleck. She’d love it.
说这个的意思是，我都能想像到老妈领着我进教室，给老师道歉，说我不该自作聪明的情景。这种事她绝对做得出。

“Are you going to tell Dad about this?” I asked. “Because, well, I was just thinking…maybe we could keep this our own little secret. I mean, really, Mom. There’s no need bothering Dad with it, is there? After all, he’s got his own trouble trying to live in that stinky apartment. What do you say? Is it a deal?”
“你会打电话告诉我爸吗？”我问。“因为，我想。。。也许这事咱俩知道就行了。我是说，真的，妈妈。没必要为这事去打扰爸爸了，是吧？毕竟，他自己住在那个破公寓里，也有不少烦心事。怎么样？这么说定了，行吗？”

My mother didn’t answer.
老妈没吱声。

She was already in the kitchen dialing my father’s number.
她已经走进厨房，去给爸爸拨电话了。